The mess of living



Now the bleakness of the ‘Veil and the Wheel’
Surprises me
Frightens me
How could that depth of darkness
Come out of my heart
Isn’t it all washed away

Forgetful distance makes sharp memory
Faded like sun-bleached silks56
People say “you forget”
I wanted to remember
Why should birth and death be forgotten
Soft focus – photo-shopped out?

Birth and death two things I will never forget
Times to be completely present to the moment
To be alert, awake, ready to act.

How can I be awake when the epidural,
The pethidine, the gas all alter my reality
And make this important entrance
Distorted, dream-like, unreal

Twisting, shouting, writhing
Bloody mess
This is birth – this was my birth

Coffee, cigarettes, chocolate and crisps. That was him, one after another.

My life – left alone to live
I thank you
I have it.

My toes unpainted
My arms full of my children
My legs strong for running
My eyes see through lies
My heart to know love

Dust and skin and blood
All here
The mess of living

Right here.

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